weak male lead

strong females will return*

Mar 04, 2025

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I know what you’re thinking. “Abby, we’re already inundated with weak males in real life!1 Why would we want them in our books!?” And to this I say “legit”.

But you know what? I was thinking that it is precisely because of this darkest timeline version of Kendomland we’re living in that it may be cathartic to read about desperately uncool and utterly pathetic men from the safety of a novel. Perhaps we can gain some schadenfreude as we witness them flounder, fail and face their foolishness. What do you say?

This shelf is, of course, a cheeky nod to the idea of a ‘strong female’ character that media and culture often loves to tout as feminist, progressive and winning. But, like writer/director/actor Brit Marling points out in her opinion piece2 below, I have very little interest in the sort of ‘strong female’ that exhibits primarily masculine power dynamics. Look up ‘strong female leads’ and you’ll probably get a list populated by badass warrior queens. Sure, some of these women can be vaguely interesting but I find these characters and stories get boring, flat and lazy real quick. I’m pretty much over them at this point. I don’t want to read about a Mary Sue but I also definitely don’t want to read about a sexy lamp either. I want to read strongly written* female characters who are integral to the story, who are flawed, weird and have a unique voice that injects texture, nuance and maybe even some unlikable qualities to the narrative.3

It would be hard to deny that there is nutrition to be drawn from any narrative that gives women agency and voice in a world where they are most often without both. But the more I acted the Strong Female Lead, the more I became aware of the narrow specificity of the characters’ strengths — physical prowess, linear ambition, focused rationality. Masculine modalities of power.

I don’t want to be the dead girl, or Dave’s wife. But I don’t want to be a strong female lead either, if my power is defined largely by violence and domination, conquest and colonization.

Today we meet Toby, George and Andy; unexceptional men who don’t understand the world nor the people around them and don’t understand why they don’t understand. Now, these ‘weak male leads’ are not one-note assholes or complete idiots. Though they flee from accountability, avoid introspection and rely too much on the ‘bumbling man excuse’ they are strongly written. They have depth, backstory, strengths, weaknesses and, while often pathetic, each have their moment(s) of growth and self reflection. I don’t want to be friends with any of them, but I supremely enjoyed reading about their foibles and follies4. Luckily for us, each of these books end with their female co-star’s perspective to round out the narrative and supply the reader with some much needed context and clarity. These women are also having a real time of it as they attempt to navigate the demands of modern life while being weighed down with cultural, societal, familial and gendered expectations. These novels are filled with wise and witty commentary along with strongly written characters of all kinds.

Put down that barbell and grab yourself a brewski beer as you read one of these.

FLEISHMAN IS IN TROUBLE by Taffy Brodesser-Akner

Toby is recently divorced and gleefully basking in all of the female attention he’s been getting from the apps, from the school pick-up line and even from the hospital where he works as a hepatologist5. When his ex-wife Rachel drops their two kids off (early!) and then promptly disappears, his life is completely upended. Toby is forced to navigate the hectic hazards of everyday life alone as he parents children in upheaval, lobbies for a promotion, cares for his patients and juggles a barrage of sexual escapades all while he alternates between resenting Rachel and worrying over her absence. As he struggles on and wonders how things ended up this way, he realizes how little he understands himself, Rachel and their ‘organism of marriage’.

Interestingly, this is narrated not by Toby nor Rachel but by Libby, a college friend of Toby’s who has only recently re-entered his life after getting married, having two kids, quitting her job and moving to the suburbs. She isn’t wholly reliable; she comes with her own biases6 and backstory and, while she primarily concentrates on Toby’s experience, she eventually includes her own and Rachel’s7. This was an interesting choice because it created a strong judgement in the reader towards Rachel’s character before we even meet her and get her side of the story. I enjoyed this approach as it showcased the power of context and personal story and had me inquiring into my own biases to ask who has ownership of a narrative, what does that mean and what are the gendered assumptions at play?

Each character in this is wholly human; self focused, difficult, entitled and often stupid while still being loving, earnest, caring and frustrated with stagnancy. Toby is bumbling, bewildered and oblivious but he genuinely cares for his kids and his patients and when confronted with harsh realizations, he struggles through (some) self-examination. Especially when he sees his behavior reflected back via his children. His carelessness and complicity never felt cartoonish or heavy handed, rather it read thoughtful and realistic even when you wanted to shake him. Rachel seems one note at first, due to Toby and Libby’s descriptions, but her story is detailed, layered and at times, quite intense. Her own existential burdens and backstory revelations felt convicting to my own initial judgments and her perfectionism borne out of fear got me in the gut.

There’s some terrific humor in this though not especially of the ‘laugh out loud’ sort, more of the absurdity of life ‘huff out loud’ variety. The dating shenanigans are particularly funny while the medical dramas and kid’s crises can be tense and even heartbreaking. I appreciated watching Libby struggle through her own personal crises while witnessing and attempting to help Toby and Rachel with theirs. This is sharp, amusing, insightful and bittersweet with realistic emotional excavation of flawed people flailing about for meaning, purpose and understanding while they are burdened with responsibilities, expectations and desire. I was a fan of the slight wink at the end and all of the character work here.

extra credit: The TV show adaptation is great and has an excellent cast8. Though Jesse Eisenberg9 always reads younger than he is to me so it took a bit to actually believe him as Claire Dane’s ex-husband and a father of two.

This was how conversations ended now, rather than with the inertia of marital apology. Toby had been told all his life that being in love means never having to say you're sorry. But no, it was actually being divorced that meant never having to say you're sorry.

THE BOOK OF GEORGE by Kate Greathead

George is a mediocre millennial man suffering the normal ups and downs of a regular life. He is an unremarkable, perfectly ordinary Brit whose average ambitions, over inflated ego and severe self confidence issues make him at once unique and also an everyman whose friends and family both love and are exasperated by him in almost equal measure.

Before we even meet George we know what to expect from him just from the book’s epigraph which is an excerpt of an 1807 letter from a mother to her son:

You are not an evil human; you are not without intellect and education; you have everything that could make you a credit to human society. Moreover, I am acquainted with your heart and know that few are better, but you are nevertheless irritating and unbearable, and I consider it most difficult to live with you.

A ‘never-coming-of-age’ tale, there is little plot here. Rather, this is a series of almost matter of factly recounted vignettes throughout George’s life that the reader gets to peek in on. Passive, dopey and self-obsessed, George is both protagonist and antagonist. He stands in his own way and consistently refuses to do much about it. He is a stand-in, an archetype for a particular brand of millennial male who is lazy, inept, unambitious and though he holds a hero-like view of himself he also possesses a deep sense of self-loathing. He nurtures a constant fear of inadequacy but insists on blaming everyone and everything else for his failures. Is he even aware of the meta-ness of the book he is always trying to write!? The one about “a boy who grows up to be a man who is disappointed by life”?

Because of the format we don’t always get complete closure re: all the goings on in George’s life but we do get sporadic clues to puzzle enough of it together to ‘get’ it. That said, I would have appreciated a bit more follow up at times. There are delicious ironies here that may make you cheer10, or roll your eyes, or yell at his girlfriend Jenny to “Run for your lifeeee!” or shake / hug George. It is very funny, but also irritating, to witness George ‘handle’ the endless indignities and awkwardness of life as things tend to mostly work out ok for him.11 Because he is mildly endearing, not a ‘bad guy’ nor much of anything at all, he is often indulged which causes him to have little motivation to better or understand himself or the people around him. His tendency to self-loathe and self-aggrandize simultaneously felt very true to life, very human. These extreme emotional swings provided a steady stream of entertaining melodrama.

I was at once amused and bewildered by him— torn with wanting to smack him, mock him or just silently stare in judgement as he wallows in the misery of his own making. There are glancing nods to world events as the vignettes progress to let you where we are in time and what’s going on in the world but mostly everything is, of course, very George centered. Until! we get a peek at his on again off again, endlessly obliging girlfriend Jenny’s perspective at the very end. I laughed out loud many times reading this and ended the book very thankful that I don’t encounter too many ‘Georges’ in my own life. His sister Cressida, on the other hand, I loved utterly.

Their dishes materialized. George regretted ordering seafood soup. There was a lot going on in his bowl. Shrimp. Scallops. Fish. Calamari. George tried not to envision each creature in its natural habitat. It seemed obscene that their fates intersected in this bowl.

GOOD MATERIAL by Dolly Alderton

Andy has been “locked in a prison of his own nostalgia” since his girlfriend Jen12 broke up with him. Happy to be rid of her and also desperate to get her back, Andy tries to discover why she stopped loving him, when everyone else grew up and why he’s been left behind. Also! Why doesn’t anyone enjoy his stand up routine anymore!? Having mutual best friends with his ex isn’t making the break up any easier but perhaps a smidge of online dating, a rented houseboat or moving back in with his mother will help him find his way.

I found Andy to be the most endearing of these three ‘weak male leads’.13 He is a comedian and though his routine has grown quite stale of late, he is quippy and amusing while still being an apathetic dip of a man. He is a cocktail of logical fallacies and excessive melodrama garnished with genuine emotion and often had me chuckling aloud and even tearing up a time or two. The side characters are creative and unique with their own distinct voices as Alderton layers detailed insights that consistently build and continuously morph our perspective. I enjoyed how each character viewed everyone outside of them as just a version, a half formed portion of an individual and how this informed so much of the meaning they created— the narrative they tell themselves. Alderton strikes a favorite tone of mine as she combines the absurd with the serious, the sweet with the sour and the emotional with the eccentric while exploring just how poignant the mundane can be. It is all ‘good material’.14

While Andy is self-involved and even unhinged at times, Jen isn’t much different. Like the first two books on this shelf, this also ends with the female co-star’s POV which was -chef’s kiss- exquisite. I gasped aloud a few times as details slotted together in a way that felt as satisfying as a murder mystery reveal in a library. Jen is flawed and doesn’t belong on any pedestal, but she is smart, oddly adorable and also muddling about trying to understand life, Andy and herself. I wholeheartedly enjoyed the ending, though the cynic in me could be tempted to think it too satisfying… but what sort of insane person complains about that?15 Every page of this book is a fizzing delight including the Acknowledgments so don’t skip it.

I wander off in search of a department that interests me and resort to going up and down the escalators. I don't like feeling like this — a heel-dragging ogre who doesn't understand the intricacies of femininity; the sort of guy who makes the women in his life look at sales assistants for camaraderie, and roll their eyes and say"Men!"

A bloke who could never understand why his girlfriend needed to get her eyelashes tinted or own eight pairs of identical jeans or sleep on a silk pillowcase. Why was she always so hellbent on acquiring more volume at the roots of her hair via video tutorials, when she had a perfectly normal amount as far as I could see? Why was it so unacceptable, nay, revolting to her to use a combined shampoo and conditioner? Why did I once overhear her describe the colour navy as her "religion" to a female friend? And why did the female friend not question her on that but instead nod in agreement?