this is not a love story

"but it would've been fun, if you would've been the one"

I hope you read the title of this post in the (500) Days of Summer narrator’s voice the way I intended.

Last week I sent you four guaranteed happily ever afters but my inner rebel is making her appearance just in time for Valentine’s Day.¹ This week I’m doing the anti-romance thing with books about relationships that do not end with the couple riding off into the sunset, blissfully entranced with their destined other half for eternity. While I love knowing what I’m signing up for in a romance, there is something darkly delicious about entering into a relationship focused story without that safety net. It feels a little unsafe, but in like a sexy way? Or at least an intriguing, voyeuristic way. I often find these sorts of stories to be more relationally believable, delightfully tragi-comic and can have some morally grey internal character arcs. Juicy stuff I’m always on board for.

Each of these books have very different atmospheres and voices, but contain deep dives into the characters’ psychological and emotional makeups. If you desire an antidote to ooey, gooey, mushy, Hallmarkian emotions these are just the thing.

Grab your favorite beverage, a cozy blanket and some tissues as you follow these ill-fated stories of love's labour's lost.

Green Dot by Madeleine Gray

Hera, an Australian 20-something, is “adrift in her own smug malaise” as she begrudgingly attempts at adulting. When she starts her horrifyingly dull job as a comments moderator for an online news journal, she decides to begin an affair with Arthur, an older male co-worker even though she’s only dated women thus far. The issue is: Arthur is married. But in name only, they barely interact anymore! He swears he will tell his wife about their unique and special love! Any day now. He will. Soon. Imminently. Sometime. She knows he will because their love is real and special and breaks all the rules you think you know.

Hera’s hysterical, cutting voice cracked me up and bummed me out. Especially her commentary on the modern work world. She is full of sharp internal dialog, sometimes addressing the reader in a very Fleabag²-esque style with sprawling tangents and hilarious yet poignant truths about all the tragic and pathetic mysteries of life and love. Her voice hit similar notes to Rachel of the previously mentioned The Rachel Incident and though I often wanted to throttle her, I also wanted to hug her and be her friend. I love the title’s nod to The Great Gatsby’s other iconic green siren song that holds much potential and delivers so little. This is at once bleak and silly, deep and shallow, ridiculous and real; Hera’s journey to find love and herself contains multitudes.

I now interjected manically, with false bravado an evident inability to read the room. I exclaimed, "But look at you now, huh?!" Diane looked at herself; I looked at her too. The view was unrewarding for both of us.

Diane did not like me and I was not going to get this job; nevertheless we continued on with the charade.

…

Diane looked me straight in the eyes, just knowing I was going to fuck this up. With the smugness of a maths genius asking a baby to explain the Riemann hypothesis, she said: "And if you were an animal, which animal would you be and why?" I was panicking…

I stalled by commending the ingenuity of Diane's question. I knew what was expected of me: I knew that I was supposed to say that I would be a golden retriever because I am loyal and follow instructions well. Or a beaver because I am industrious and tenacious. Or I could have said I was a bird, thereby stressing my ability to always see the big picture, from overhead. But I did not say these things: I did not take these options.

“I’d be a meerkat".” I said, “because I am both sneaky and vindictive”

The Three of Us by Ore Agbaje-Williams

Taking place over one day, this story follow a wife, her husband and her best friend as they reach a tipping point of tension that has been building for years. Each narrator gets their own section so the reader gets to inhabit each character’s distinct personality, emotions, motivations and (most fascinating) how they view the other players. This format allows us to get one chance to be inside a character’s mind, then two chances to see them from two completely other points of view, creating a heightened atmosphere of extraordinary tension, suspense and humor as we get clearer and yet murkier character portraits. Somehow this gets nail biting and riveting, even though not that much happens in its under 200 page run time. This isn’t plot forward, rather the interactions between the characters take center stage and it often feels like a bottle episode or a play with the reader’s attention ping ponging back and forth desperate to get a full picture that never fully comes. I loved the gasp worthy ending.

Out of Love by Hazel Hayes

I read this a fair few years ago now but I distinctly recall that its unique format packs a wallop. It begins at the end (Memento style) with a young woman and her boyfriend breaking up and dividing their belongings. Each subsequent chapter reveals more about our narrator and the doomed relationship, rewarding keen eyed readers with its sharply detailed unraveling. The lingering mysteries of who, what and why are sprinkled throughout their history keeping the reader engrossed and on a relentless emotional roller coaster. Exceptionally bittersweet is its last chapter, as we now know everything that comes after this adorable meet cute and it becomes all the more poignant with this “hindsight” we’ve been gifted with. This one is a fascinating character study and a deeply devastating story though not without its spots of light and hope. The author has another book³ coming out this year that seems to deal with similar themes of heartbreak in a singular format. It’s on my tbr⁴ list, so stay tuned to see if it makes it into this newsletter in the future.

have you read any of these or do you have any of your own favorite anti-romances? share in the comments

1. i don’t really celebrate this holiday as i’m very april ludgate when it comes to feelings. my husband and i usually order takeout, get tipsy and mock the latest nicholas sparkish movie as our v-day celebration. these movies are almost too boring to make fun of though…

2. fleabag: i re-watch this every year because it is utterly perfect television. PWB 4 eva

3. better by far by hazel hayes

4. bookspeak for “to be read”