husband

to have and to hold and to read

for the best reading experience: click the post’s title to open in a new page which allows you to hover over the numbered footnotes to read them.

My husband¹ and I got hitched eleven(!) years ago in a colorful, taco filled² indoor picnic where the invitation declared that “crying was discouraged”.³ We had a grand time planning the party together; venue searching, taco testing, invitation designing and playlist curating.⁴ Surprising because, like Jo⁵ and Elizabeth⁶, I was negative to ambivalent about marriage and even dating growing up, probably due to purity culture and also in direct rebellion to my boy crazy, flirtatious younger sister. My husband is the only person I’ve ever dated and even getting me to go out that first time was a laudable feat. I “didn’t want to dress up and talk about feelings” and was confused about “what the point was”. Relationships just seemed so excessively emotional and dramatic, which appealed to me in books not real life.

But, it turned out that becoming good friends and partners with a fantastic, smart and cute guy meant that dating had a little bit more going on than just dressing up to talk about feelings.⁷ Once I learned that it was ok to be nice and show care⁸ towards someone, a companionship flourished which enriched me in more ways than I can (or will) identify here. We’re live that dink life and enjoy doing many things together: traveling, eating out, urban exploration, cooking, deconstructing fundamentalism, sharing nibling videos, roadtrips, movie marathons, reading in dive bars and more. As textbook introverts, we also enjoy doing things apart. Him: hiking, walking, camping⁹. Me: reading with no one to bother me or ask who I’m talking to.¹⁰ We value these independent interests so much so that we actually planned separate trips later this year for him to walk/camp the Oregon trail solo and me to read at the beach in Cabo solo. It’s gonna be great!

Whether you have a husband, know a husband or are one yourself I propose you dive into one of these.

THE HUSBANDS by Holly Gramazio

Lauren is living the single life in London when one day her attic pops out a husband. A husband she is married to but has never seen before. A husband who disappears when he re-enters the attic only to be replaced by yet another husband and on it goes. Each ready made husband’s arrival brings with it an alternate life that Lauren could be leading. Living in this constant state of newness has its perks and cons but Lauren must decide how to live her own life when there’s always the option of a brand new husband, life and self just up the attic stairs.

This premise is very fun and just know going in that there’s never really any explanation for the magical realism, it just is happening so get on board. However, I found the idea to be better than its execution; I wanted something more introspective, nuanced and character/voice driven so while this had winning elements it didn’t fully land for me. I thought it could have benefitted from a more emotionally resonant tone (which it sort of danced around) and a sharper concentration on Lauren’s character and arc. It is also a bit too long and could get repetitive, but that could just be the editor in me. That said, this is an entertaining read full of creative scenarios, moral quandaries, sexy times and some chances for vicarious living both thrilling and nightmarish. It’s a terrific thought experiment with comedy, suspense, mystery and heart and does the parade of alternate lives thing better than The Midnight Library.¹¹

“Yeah, I think I’ve got to accept that I’m absolutely into marriage as a concept, but I’m also into being the sort of person who isn’t into marriage as a concept, as a concept. This whole situation makes it hard to trick yourself about what you’re like.”

MY HUSBAND by Maud Ventura

Our supremely unhinged narrator is a Parisian housewife with a picture perfect life; she’s got wealth, beauty, children and a husband she’s madly¹² in love with even after fifteen years. But, is he enough in love with her? Does he agree that their life together is perfect? Why did he compare her to a clementine!?

In this twisted, darkly comic tale of obsessive love we slowly realize the lengths Wife will go to to test Husband’s passion, to observe his every activity, to note, punish and reward him in order to keep their marriage intact and her possession of him complete. The whole thing is strangely captivating; a sort of a psychologically creepy and horrifying “love” story with barely any plot that I really could not put down. I love distinctive characters with unique voices and especially adore an anti-herione. This is one of the most out there anti-heroines I’ve ever read in terms of the way she sees and responds to the world and primarily her husband. I enjoyed the elements of synesthesia which kept it vibrant and fun as it delved deeper and deeper into this woman’s psyche. She isn’t nice, you aren’t supposed to like her but just try and stop reading before you find out what she’ll do next. I laughed aloud in glee at the perfect ending so please, read it and come here to chat with me about it.

“My husband has no name; he is my husband, he belongs to me.”

…

“So my husband thinks his best friend is married to a pineapple, while he married a clementine. He lives with a winter fruit, a banal and cheap fruit, a supermarket fruit. A small, ordinary fruit that has none of the indulgence of the orange nor the originality of the grapefruit. A fruit organized into segments, practical and easy to eat, precut, ready for use, proffered in its casing.”

THE WIDOW’S GUIDE TO DEAD BASTARDS by Jessica Waite

releases on July 30, 2024

Jessica Waite’s memoir recounts the world shattering experience of suddenly losing her husband and the subsequent discovery of his secret life of drug abuse, pornography addiction and sexual liaisons. She shares their initial love story that led to marriage and parenthood, the overwhelming days and weeks after her husband’s fatal heart attack, how she tackled single parenthood and speaking to her son about his father while also grappling with realizations that make her question everything she thought she knew about her husband, their marriage and even the afterlife.

Some truly nuts stuff in here. This is a heartfelt and jarring story about wandering through grief, betrayal and anger to process and reconcile a self and a narrative to see if love can exist through darkness and without closure. I was fascinated by this compelling and crazy story though I had my frustrations. Information was doled out at odd intervals which felt unclear and confusing at times and though usually cleared up later, I felt it would be more powerful and easily understood to discover things alongside her¹³ instead of it being recounted or glanced over after the fact which removed some of its emotional weight. There is also an important character who is introduced as such, then ignored for the bulk of the book only to be revealed almost at the end that he’s indeed been integral and active in her life this entire time which was a baffling choice to me. Waite is powerfully vulnerable at times and often shares painful details but then confusingly keeps readers at arm’s length with less juicy, but still useful character/timeline knowledge.¹⁴ I also felt that the first half was much more interesting and emotionally charged than the second which delved more into her healing journey and various explorations of self which didn’t always click and could get convoluted. I can definitely see why she’d try all these processing tools, especially with all the unexplained “woo woo” phenomena she was experiencing, but this section was a bit all over the place and I craved more real life grounding details. Overall this is an intriguing story vulnerably told that, though has truly wild elements, is rooted in the very human experience of grief, family and love. Can’t beat its cheekily apt title either.

I do not recommend “TikTok sensation” The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo which I found to be poorly written, boring and dumb.

sisters. are you also the jo march of your family?

Got any husband themed books you want to share with the group? Read any of these? What fruit are you?

1. this post in honor of his birthday! happy birthday B!

2. i still get compliments to this day that our wedding “had the best food of any wedding”. thanks antique taco!

3. there was SO much crying at my sister’s wedding a few years before. it scarred me

4. no dj for us. this playlist included many songs specifically beloved by our friend group at the time like flight of the conchord’s foux du fafa, captain jack sparrow by the lonely island, i knew you were trouble for the goat screams and i don’t care i love it to scream to and the mumford & sons wedding album. it was 2013 ok.

5. march (who was name dropped in my maid of honor’s wedding speech actually)

6. bennett

7. plus he proposed with an exorbitant food spread full of wine, cheese, pie, ice cream and more. this is the way.

8. i was really anti vulnerability and feelings and emotions. this clip was helpful to me

9. i don’t camp. i tell him to bring nadine, his (made up) side piece

10. my book. i’m talking to my book.

11. not a fan. no more matt haig for me

12. emphasis on madly

13. show! instead of tell!

14. like: what is her job now? how does website work? what does it do for her journey and life? the kevin costner stuff was confusing. what was the maryanne text? etc